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Keep Moving Forward. I AM
Ij, Cj, Nus. God, Family, Friends. "Lord, I choose not to be downcast, I choose not to be disturbed, I choose to put my hope in You." - Psalm 42:11 Listen
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Fighting the damn tears. Sunday, April 15, 2007 Pluggin' into: On Eagles' wings + Open Your Eyes by Alter Bridge + These Walls by Teddy Geiger. I feel so pissed off. I confronted an issue with Mum today - about me driving by myself. Nowadays, I don't even touch the wheel. Then today, in the car, when we were going to church, I asked Mum about it. I can't believe she compared me to my brother. That's not even the point. Best, she thinks I'll drive all my friends all the way back to their homes, regardless of distances and that I'll get pressurised into driving in areas i've never driven before nor recognise. C'mon, it's driving. She makes it sound as if I take driving lightly, whereas the truth is that everytime I'm on the road, I'm scared shitless. N I hate that feeling. That's why I wanna drive more - so I can get the road experience we so often talk about, but I never get nowadays. Heck. Choir today wasn't so good. We all weren't in top form. We could all feel it. Still, at least we didn't screw up really badly. I guess cos the night before, we went to Rebecca's 21st bday chalet. It was really fun.. we sang, took silly photos, and sucked in helium gas from all her balloons, lol :) Love the ice-cream cake *drools* I went to a wake today. It was more of a family thing, so Mum and I didn't go for the cremation. I was fighting my tears during the service. Even though I'm not really close to the deceased, she was always in our rosary sessions and smiled all the way. It made me think about death. Actually, I've been thinking a lot about death. When I die, who will come to my wake? Even more, if someone close to me passed away, how would I handle it? It sounds quite horrible, but when I heard the part where Jesus mentioned that anyone who dies for him will live (well, along that line).. prolly, in his time, he sounded quite hypocritical. I mean, when you die, that's it, is it not? I know he referred to the soul, but still.. I guess, I have a long way to go before I'm prepared for death. Then again.. One can never really be prepared for it. I sent Mum messages about my feelings after that car ride. She replied me. I thought she understood. After dinner, Mum asked Coco to drive. He didn't want to and suggested I did. That's what I love about Coco - he's willing to let me try. Though he doesn't look like it, he's actually quite patient. In a weird manner, I think he might be a good teacher. In the end, Mum decided to drive us back. The hurt came up again. The car might sound like something trivial to feel hurt over with, but I guess what hurts me more than anything is her lack of faith in me. I know, she cares about my safety and is concerned for me. I appreciate it and ultimately, I know safety comes before any feelings. The thing is.. I don't just feel - I know I can handle it. She doesn't understand. I thought she did. Why should I bother asking her for the car. Maybe I'll just take it out one day, just to prove a point. [Yea, this sounds childish, but let me rant.] I wish Dad was here. He's such a good listener. 10 days to Exam. Shit la. | |